Once one begins to picture Donald Trump imagining himself in front of television and/or other news cameras, practicing his posture, his gestures, his tone of voice, the width of his eyes…you can go a little crazy.

Having worried that our Dear Leader is practicing for hours and hours in his full-length mirrors, one begins to sense the number of other hours he spends leaning into a mirror set at table height, one he can get really close to, and practicing his facial expressions as well.

Just examine any photograph released by the White House showing our Dear Leader looking (a) presidential, (b) concerned, (c) caring, (d) stern, (e) determined, (f) bellicose, (g) sympathetic, and (h) triumphant.  (i) Disapproving.  (j) Bored.  (k) Innocent.

These poses are not inter-changeable.   As he leans forward to speak to a reporter’s microphone, his inner guidelines tell him which face to show.

Most people don’t have this kind of self-control. But then again most people have real feelings that can’t help being displayed in an interview or an outing or at a rally.

We may lack Dear Leader’s self-control, but we have something he doesn’t seem to have.  Bottom lines.  Convictions.   Principles.

It’s not so much that Mr. Trump wants to keep his enemies off-balance or lose the element of surprise at his decisions and pronouncements.   Our Dear Leader himself doesn’t for an instant know what he’s going to say or suggest.   Without this kind of foresight, it’s no wonder that his every utterance nearly causes the world to become unglued.  If he doesn’t know, how can we (they)?  If our Dear Leader had been paying attention, instead of mentally practicing his facial responses in advance of speaking, he might have a better chance at reacting in an adult fashion, one on which we could eventually depend.

This posing, we are told, comes from his numbers of years on NBC.  This idea by itself should cause viewers to immediately underwrite PBS.

Instead, the impact of the President’s behavior is lessening in the US and leaving us all time to imagine others scenarios, other conspiracy theories.    And if we’re thinking along those lines, we certainly wouldn’t want to keep our thoughts to ourselves.  SO, herewith, conspiracy theories 458 and 716.

  1. Why does the Donald fall in ecstasy for other fascist-prone leaders abroad? Because late at night he envisions a coalition of perhaps eight strong men leading the entire world together, cooperatively, making certain therefore that those eight countries –and their leaders and their leaders’ families – benefit solely from the chaos and confusion he and they may spawn.
  2. The main reason Trump woos autocrats abroad is that his business interests need to blossom continually. He has to rely for cash flow on the leaders of, and the approval of, the Philippines (Duerte), Turkey (Erdogan), Putin (Russia) – not to mention China, Singapore, and Israel – who could make the income expected from various now and future Trump Towers dicey.  The answer to the question then – is United States’ foreign policy being run in tandem with Dear Leaders’ real or imagined business empire? – is Yes.   The other implied but tremulously present question – which interests come first?  The USA’s or the Trump family’s – is also Yes.

Now we begin to understand why the Donald spends so much time before his mirrors.   He trusts so little of the rest of the world that he certainly isn’t going to trust any common, two-bit, bureaucratic translator when he wants to make deals with his foreign counterparts.   Without language ability of his own (in English, for heavens’ sakes, as well as French, Italian, Chinese, etc.), his only means of communication are those incessantly practiced grimaces, moues, frowns, and – as fall backs – thumbs-up.   He’ll never know, nor apparently will we, to what he has agreed, to what he thinks his opposite deal-maker has agreed, what actions and adventures there are to which he has committed us.   (We should be combing the hills for a nonpartisan man or woman with impeccable background and security clearances, reportable to Congress AND the press, to become, in effect, “Language General.”)

Minor conspiracy 306.   Our Dear Leader has had no time in his life to learn much of anything beyond his one single trade.   This explains his fallback positions in matters domestic:  with no empathy, sympathy, or sensibilities involving “other people,” naturally enough he is going to lapse from his campaign rhetoric and be drawn inexorably to the lessons and instincts that have ruled his life for the past seventy years.   Those sentiments recognize only the needs of people like himself.   He may have employed thousands of “normal people” in the past, but apart from playing Santa at public events his understanding of others is as deep as the watch on George H.W.’s wrist.   (N.B.  Frank Sinatra, for all the brou-ha-ha about his mob connections and methods, was in fact a hugely generous man although this was largely unknown to the general public.   If only Dear Leader would emulate this leader!)

Tragedy 1108.   Trump’s base is coming late to these ideas and is fighting every step of the way to push back against their own disappointment.  They have the sympathy and understanding of us all.

The New Yorker this week purports to tell us how Dear Leader may come acropper.  We think this is whistling in the dark, especially in view of the fact that should Dear Leader decide to step aside, we are left with a cabinet and a V.P. and a Speaker of the House who collectively have as little understanding of the real world, and of the values we in the United States cherish, as he.


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